on my body...

so i'm a bailey, right? being a bailey means i've never been petite...to say the least. i've always been curvy and i like my curves. i knew pregnancy would change my body more and i knew that after being pregnant my body would still be different. 

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i have to say that for the most part i really loved being pregnant. there was the 6 week stint of nausea, that even so wasn't too horrible, and then the end of the third trimester i was feeling crazy huge and uncomfortable, but other than that it was great. 

i loved how i looked when i was pregnant. it was fun to see my growing belly and imagine this little lady growing inside me. i was lucky and gained no more than 20 lbs by the end, and have lost it all since delivering. i didn't end up getting any stretch marks and didn't get all puffy and swollen or retain any water. i loved how i looked and felt beautiful while i was pregnant. 

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our little lady is here now, and i'm back to what i was before getting pregnant. in ways i feel incredibly weak and out of shape, but in others i feel stronger than ever. 

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there's the weak feeling. the fact that an semblance of core muscles i had before getting pregnant seem to be completely gone. i haven't run in 9 months, something i did multiple times a week pre-pregnancy. i can feel that my legs are weaker than they used to be as well. 

i'm slightly terrified to run again for the first time. or go climbing again for the first time. or do core exercises again for the first time. ha. 

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then i think about the 9 months that my body was growing audrey. i didn't have to think about it. i didn't have to say ok, now let's grow a spleen. it just knew how to do it. and it did it perfectly! and then i went through labor. 11 hours of contractions and pushing and then delivering. 

now i have this perfect little girl with 10 fingers and 10 toes, chubby cheeks, fuzzy hair, and big eyes like her momma. i look at her and think, wow...my body DID that. 

i see her grow now and i get to think wow, my boobs are incredible! ha. i am completely sustaining her. she's growing and chunking up because of what my body is doing and supplying for her. 

my body feels amazing and stronger and more incredible than ever before.

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so yeah. i don't know what i'm trying to get at with all of this. it's just been on my mind. thinking about my body and what it's been through and done. that even though i feel different than i used to, it was all worth it to have this sweet baby here. 

so here's to starting at what feels like square one. here's to getting back in shape. to eating healthy. and hopefully running like i once did. i know it won't happen over night, but that's ok. {because i have until september when i've signed up for the big cottonwood half marathon!}

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{first time seeing audrey}